Day 57
I haven’t left this cell for three days and one
more left to go. That is so sad about the baby hitting her head and yelping in
fear at Joe. I hate to say this but it
would be wise for you not to leave her there anymore cause if he would do that
with you there what does he do when you’re not there and with your mom’s
feelings about dogs/her. I just hope you would choose to let her be safe and comfortable
sleeping at home rather than leaving her somewhere to get traumatized. Is that
why Tito was such a jerk-out of fear from being traumatized? I’m not upset at
Joe-some dog is flipping him attitude in his own home and he might have been
mad at her being so loud when Apa was sleeping. Sorry to hear about your mom’s
response. If her, I and Cecilia didn’t have a few lame things like that you
wouldn’t have such a keen picture of how pure and delightful the Lord is-so
superior to us sinful creatures. I can’t wait to come back and care for you and
comfort you when things like that happen my poor lilagirl. Oh yeah and I wouldn’t
trust that maybe if she was in the front yard in Gridley and annoying Joe
enough that he might let her escape or anyone else by accident for that matter.
Imagine coming back and having to look for her and she’s road kill or someone
dognaps here and she has a lame life. We can’t risk that. It is best just leave
her at home sad but safe. That cactus and egg food was good huh? Anyway one
thing strange I have noticed from my eyes being limited to only getting to see
a few feet away in this cell but mainly a few inches (from reading so much) is
I can often see those black spots on my eyeballs that are supposedly scars.
When I’m not thinking about it I mistake them for bugs walking around. Did you
know we have no pillows here? There is a
slight lump in the mattress for head but it’s ergonomically uncomfortable.
Today I noticed my butt cheeks are chapped- it is like bedsores from being on
this bed all day every day. This is a funny time huh? When you get back from
camping take notice of how good it feels to be back in your own home then
magnify that by a thousand-that’s how I’m going to feel when I get out of here.
It’s funny cause people in here let out wails and moans that you can just hear
their agony of boredom and madness. I often thrive on all the strength and
endurance I am gaining in the SHU. I feel myself gaining strength of mind and
soul in the hole and it sometimes feels good. Don’t cry for me Argentina-just
pour your emotional energies into making sure you are mentally, emotionally and
physically healthy for your spirits sake-for the temple that Christ dwells
within. So I tried to get the phone today but couldn’t before5:30pm. Had to
before 5:30 cause you will be heading to
church and we can’t use the phone after 8:30 . I should
just call on Saturdays since you are free. Hey can you send me a little
calendar in with a letter? You know like the little ones that fit in an
envelope. Oh and I was thinking how I don’t ever need to send to the PO Box
cause it’s not my outgoing letters that are seen it’s the envelope you send to
me that some folks see. Notice how I haven’t continued bringing up memories
from my childhood. Seems once the 80’s came around life started really sucking
and I am not at a real pleasant time this year to be digging up that era. I
always assumed that once I had kids all my memories would resurrect and I would
tell my kids the good ones and just remember the bad as not to bad mouth. Since
I’ve been in here I’ve reached the mindset that you have; I don’t care if we
don’t have kids. God knows what’s best if he wants us to we will. Fact: men
finish 95% of the time and women 65%-you are one lucky dame (just read this
from medical research).
