Day 44
It’s weird to think how oblivious I am in here to what reality was. I haven’t seen the outdoors for a week. Haven’t even left this tiny cell in a week til I got a quick shower finally today. The water barely drizzles out and is scolding hot. I am unshaven and ignorant. This is my rebirth. I still continually feel the friction from me holding on to the good things about myself. The high powered hose of adjustment or “correction” is pressure washing my reality. The hole really sucks but it might be good for one. Being so confined for real. At least out there you chose whether you want to be locked inside or out every hour. I am thinking of this time as where God wants me right now. It really really sucks that we don’t have all those 15 minute calls anymore. At least it’s only for a small part of my sentence. This is like my rebirth. I feel myself getting dumber in the SHU. Nothing to challenge or stimulate me. I can’t wait for my Desk Reference book. I’m gonna say hi to it and it’s gonna say hi to me. So are you liking my letters. I’m not really thinking about my writing. I got mind blinders on and am dumber than usual. Not just in the hole but through this whole experience here on the island. It’s hard to think free when you’re not. It’s hard to have control of your mind when your body is forced to be where it doesn’t want to be. I told my celly about how these letters will be read by my grandchildren. He was right when he said “I don’t want my future generations to remember me as a prisoner”. It’s impossible to talk to this guy, he is the most touchy person I have ever met, by far. About 80% of what I say gets a response like “why would you think that” or “you just don’t get it do you” or “tell me you’re joking”. He really says these a lot that’s why I only talk for maybe 2 minutes a day-nah more like 1 or less. I have never snapped back but patience is wearing. Well I finally got a bible here to read. Found a King James Version of the Holy Bible on the book cart. All trash novels on there then the Holy Bible.
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