Day 25

Day 25

There’s more whiners and naggers here than I ever thought possible. It’s amazing…babies man. “I don’t like this I don’t like that-whaaa, boohoo”. I can’t recall complaining one single time about anything out of nowhere-ever. Felipe (Cuba) was just crying about me talking loud outside his cell- crying away to me about it-thinking he’s telling me how it is-he does it all the time outside of mine-til late too-it’s the middle of the day when I did it. There is plenty I could complain about to peep but I don’t care that much cause it’s prison and I’m a man not a little whiney baby. I actually have a lot of hostility for complainers of the world. The very thing they complain about me they do also and everyone I have ever met is not flawless so why start pointing out my flaws. I must try to pray about all these sack of trash retards. One of the worse things about people pointing out my flaws and mistakes is that it starts making me look at their flaws and mistakes. I don’t like to be that way. I don't ever judge people or even notice their flaws until they start pointing out mine. Then I look to see if this is a person I should take advice from because they have learned to be pretty flawless or Christ-like. This is why no one should tell another what they should and shouldn't do unless they have reached a great level of pureness (which I have never seen before). I have a thousand horror stories to tell but only a few are known. People like to boss me and point out my flaws so that they can feel powerful. They must lack power in their lives so they look for any opportunity to tell me what I should and shouldn't do. Almost everyone I know does it. One of the main points of God coming to this world to become fully human is to be that only pure and righteous person that we can look to as an example and listen to when he explains the right way to live life. Christ rarely brought up the same thing multiple times but he did command us not to judge others many times. He said in The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew, "Judge not that ye be not judged for however you judge you will be judged and with the measure you use it will be measured back to you" he also said "who are we to point out a speck in another’s eye when we have a plank in our own –hypocrites-first remove the plank from your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from another’s eye”. He also told some people who were judging another "he who is w/o sin cast the first stone” Christ also rebuked the Pharisees and Sadducees for judging and showed great contempt for this type of audacity on several occasions. I have read the bible through several times including the apocrypha and Greek Septuagint and Christ never even comes close to rebuking an issue like this. Anyway I’m just upset not just about this one cat here but everyone who thinks they are my boss and point out what I should and shouldn’t do when everyone is just as bad as me though maybe in different ways. It’s pure evil to do that. It’s the only thing that actually upsets me that humans do. K, enough ranting-back to letter writing. So oh and my neighbor, Cuba, also said that I was yelling that I was gonna stab someone. He needs to see that yelling that in prison is big trouble. I was telling this guy, Garcia who lives in a cell downstairs and was calling me “psycho”  about how a dude down at the southyard was telling me “try not to stab anyone” and I said “will do”. I really can’t believe how fast things spread around here. I guess when you put over a thousand people in a small confined little city like this rumors spread even faster than in the world. There is a unique culture here. Some guy at work was saying that I look like a “serial killer” and asking other’s who all agreed. Two homies up here though said I look “harmless”-thank God-maybe it’s the goatee but I have this goatee to numb down the sexual harassment. Let the record show that the lower the security of the prison the worse cause the inmates run everything and you aren’t secure. This freedom inmates have to roam from cell to cell is risky. There is one CO (correction officer) in an office on the bottom floor and that’s it. He’s there for 200 inmates that are free to roam the unit 24/7 except for the 5 counts when he comes out and locks us to our ranges and counts us. Maybe this is why I write so much at night. I feel more safe with this pen in my hand. The only other time I feel safe is when reading the Bible. Oh yeah yesterday I actually received some persecution for reading it from one of my neighbors. He come in and says “you can read that thing all you want it’s still not gonna get you out of here”. Well I guess that wasn’t really persecution but kinda. I found out today that my bunky owes a lot of people so I guess I can kiss my stamps goodbye that he owed me. I got in big trouble today. I guess last night since I go to bed around 10pm cause up at 4am. So I guess the homies came back from the TV to visit in our cell and I was passing gas in my sleep and go figure-it had a smell. I got harassed today for it. They were saying they were close to thrashing me and that I need to use the toilet before I go to sleep at night. I made a huge mistake telling them at the start that I have never been in prison or jail. I’m gonna have to think of a lie if they ever transfer me to another unit-man, the truth always seems to get me trouble. I guess I wouldn’t have so much to write about w/o this crap. I have thought about how much practice I am getting with turning the other cheek. I also need to not talk around others. The older white collar guys like me but now I’m seeing that those first weeks I didn’t talk to people cause I aint “gangsta”-these guys only respect thugs and hustlers- I’m not gonna start talking uneducated and slang. I still have love for all people including these guys and that’s part of my demise. Never show any joy or humor unless it’s nasty or cruel. They respect hardness. I am resisting and going against the flow and it rubs a few the wrong way. Some people trip (complain) that my goatee aint round enough or that I shaved my mustache or trip on my glasses (actually tons of people like them, especially black dudes compliment them). Folks trip that I wear my white kitchen uniform all the time and I reply “I’m a Panama King”. 

My Little Sister

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