Day 38
So I think in these letters I will just write the memories like I did but instead not write out the whole story like I pretty much did with the 3 years old ones. Each year of childhood should have more memories cause I would have been more conscience. Next up is 1979! Anyway though did I already tell you that I will probably be in here at least 3 more weeks. So they let us go outside today for our cage pace since they forgot about us on Friday. While they were unhandcuffing me one said “what’s up with your thumb?!” I said just scraped but instantly took advantage of the attention I was finally getting from a staff person and said “but look at this rash all over me”. It scared them cause I’m completely spotted. One called the PA and 3 hours later he looked at me with a flashlight through the cell door flap. I told him that I was taking amoxicillin and he said “oh this is extremely rare, I have only seen 3 people allergic to amoxicillin in my many years” but he is gonna get a 2nd opinion in a couple days when the regular staff come back after the weekend. Medical staff here always seem abnormally oblivious. Welp one week in the hole – it’s borderline inhumane living like this. I really can’t obtain the reality that the BOP is a government organization. Second time now at cage time that people in suits come walking by our cages just to stare. Have I mentioned there’s nine separate cages and one to two guys per cage (you are in with your bunky). So these people walk through what resembles a people zoo. Some guys just pace, 2 cages have a pull-up bar so some guys hang. The pacers are the lions, the hangers are monkeys. I growled a couple times for the guys in the suits. Don’t worry they were clear at the other end. They couldn’t hear me but the other animals I I mean inmates could so rock-n-roll I guess. I actually, for the first time, slept a lot today. 10pm to 6am , ate breakfast then went back to sleep til lunch at 11am . Looks like rash is clearing up so yeah I guess I did have allegies to amoxicillin-I must be rare babycakes. Ok 1979, let’s start with the clearest memory of the year and most important, Jen’s birth. Wait did I mention I’m refusing to shower til they give me my shower shoes? Also there is a midget in one of the cages. Lastly, please write to me the characteristics and attributes of your ideal man so I can develop and improve those things for you. Be honest, don’t write what you think I want to hear or even what you have already preconceived but think long and hard what things turn you on and make you go gaga. I guess I can give you an example of what I like. Many things you already have going either occasionally or at times. 1) Jesus Freak: not a religious girl but a spiritual one. I don’t like religious like “gotta do this and that or can’t do this and that” more like “God makes me feel so alive and so full of love, I am a huge sinner but he continues to give me grace”. It’s like feeling but beyond-it’s everything-that’s spiritual. 2) Playful: Easy going and loose, like adventure. Not out of control like the extreme of this but fun loving, peaceful, weird, crafty/artsy, strange, goofy, nerdy, creative, bizarre, silly, not ashamed to look foolish, shows openness and vulnerability which is attractive to me. 3) Go Getter: (you a lot) accomplishes goals, organized, hardworking, clean, efficient, independent. 4) Loyal: likes me a lot, laughs at my humor, only has eyes for me, would do anything I want, hangs on through tough times, submitted, clingy, exclusive, semi-loner (you often). 5) You: Jesus Freak, Playful, Go Getter and Loyal. You are already these things and as I wrote them I realized I was describing you. That’s why I’m so attracted to you. If in the description of each you see attributes that are rare in you then you can fulfill the whole purpose of this idea by improving or further developing them even though you are all five things at different levels. There is an excuse for everything and anything can be developed or improved despite the obvious reason of why we aren’t developed that way. If you feel like my vows to you are things that will help me improve what attracts you that’s good but then I want to know what really gets you going. I love you so so much and want you to live happy so I will do whatever it takes. I am not lazy or afraid of hard work and that is express in the fact that I lift weights every day for years and that I am always the best at my jobs. The problem I have is fear of becoming boring or unhappy (or both) and jobs have a tendency to do that if you work too much or too hard. The quick fix is to don’t work as much but if you have to it’s gotta be something you enjoy. This is an ultimate goal-career wise. Anyway Paul McCartney farts stinking, life-changing smells. I get sick breathing them for hours as I live close to the ceiling. Oh yeah so while mom was pregnant with Jen I didn’t really realize that she was producing a baby in there. Then one day Bob Bracewell came to babysit me and he gave me a brand new train set and said it was from my new baby sister. That’s what they referred to her as all the time MY baby sister-that’s why my 4 year old brain thought she belonged to me. I treat her like she was mine too. Anyway one of the toughest things about the SHU is not knowing my destiny-where and when I’m going. Couple C.O.’s were laughing at me when escorting me back from the cages cause I had 2 left shoes. I mentioned how one was size 12 and the other 13 and I wear 9’s and they laughed even more. Jokes on them though-I’m experiencing a life-changing ordeal in here while they’re stuck in monotonyville. Anyway 79, 79 mom met Bob Bunce and I guess I had my first crush. Mom gave me a box of Valentines for my classmates and I made them all out to Shannon Bunce who was born 5 days after me. I was a real romantic, one women kind of guy at 5 and through the rest of my life-never liked more than one girl at a time. At this time I’d like to give a shout out to all the fools in cell block D of the J-unit for giving me a little appreciation for this slow, quiet and boring hole in the SHU. Two extremes though, one loud and chaotic-one quiet and boring. 79, y’know I don’t have any other real memories from 79-just a bunch of random things like falling backwards in a chair, neighbor giving me Rolos and my first birthday party. Did you know if you get into a fight you only get like one week in the hole? 1980, Shawn is born- I don’t remember mom being pregnant cause I was too busy playing with my new step siblings Bobby, Robin and Shannon. I do remember going to stay w/family friends for a week. In just a year I went from being an only child for my first 4 years to being the middle child of 6 with my mom having 2 babies (15 months apart) and 3 new stepchildren that needed her attention. Babies of course always take much attention but 3 new stepchildren need to continually be assured that they are loved and cared about by their brand new stepparent. I got tons of attention from my mom my first 4 years now I was put on the backburner. That year bobby threw a peach pit down while I was running and it went under my foot and I rolled on it and broke my leg. I was a kindergartener with crutches-can you imagine how cute that would look. I had a hard time using the crutches so I would crawl a lot and when mom wasn’t around Bob Bunce would yell at me for crawling. I like how he always waited for her to be gone then he would ridicule me, harass me and beat me cause supposedly he was jealous of my early intelligence according to my mom.
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