Day 36

Day 36

Beautystar, I just got off the phone with you and I’m so sorry that I had to be so curt but as you know time was a factor (11 minutes left this month). Also my celly is just right there inches away, in total silence and he doesn’t have a women so he doesn’t want to hear any mushy talk-I gotta live in a closet with this guy. Anyway so you know how 33 is a reoccurring number in my life well he told me that he drove from L.A. all the way across the country to South Carolina, stopped only once for a 2 hour nap, and the whole drive took 33 hours. Later he told me that he use to do dry cleaning for a lot of the costumes at Disneyland and that the only place in Disneyland that serves alcohol is this hidden place called Club 33. He told me these two stories on my 33^rd day of my 33 month sentence. I didn’t tell him that 33 was my number until after. Aint that weird? I mean Christ was crucified when he was 33 glover and my first birthday here I will turn 33. Anyway that was so sad that you were crying. You must love me more than I know like you said. So yeah 5 days in the hole now. Having a bunky may be a plus or minus I can’t really tell cause I only had my own cell for 10 hours that first day. The second day I was awoken to the rotation. I know that day it was a blessing because I became deathly ill and you have to yell loud through these thick doors to be heard. Also he was able to give me a little information about the hole since he’s been here 40 days. It’s funny cause his hair and facial hair are growing out as long as the Beatles during their hippy days. I think he looks like one of them too and since he wouldn’t tell me his name and never knew who his dad was and won’t talk about him I assume he is the son of Paul McCartney. 37 years old and raised here in L.A. –it’s possible. I mean, I’m just saying. Well we haven’t said more than a few sentences the last 2 days. I think we both only speak when spoken to. I believe I got him sick cause now he’s all congested and we are both snorers now cause of it. I’ve been sick in prison 11 days now. Oh so you mentioned how I have no job now that I’m in the hole. Is it that you feel sad that my time will go slower now or that I won’t be making the $5.30 a month? They will give me the job back as soon as I get out. 1 to 3 months is nothing compared to the 32 I have left and the 600 or so months left on my life and the googleplex times infinity left for my soul. So yeah my celly requested a haircut and shave which they allow once a month so he came back looking like a skinny Flint Barker meets Edward Norton. The worst thing about me in particular being is prison is that I am extremely conscious of everything. The best is that I’m neurotic. Each has some good depending on the situation. One might say that we need balance. Balance is good at times but if we were all in perfect balance we would all have similar personalities. I don’t think God made a mistake with some being imbalanced. Often psychology goes against the bible. Psychology says not to repress your feelings and it says that if you don’t express them you are repressing them. This is not true. The bible teaches more like let those feelings go. If someone slaps you on your right cheek don’t express your anger, simply turn your left cheek for them to slap also. Feelings are good and natural, God made them to accomplish stuff in us. It’s like why do doctors assume all depression is bad and try to rid it with medicine? We may need those low feelings either to humble us, give us compassion for others or passion and deepness etc... It is a steep climb to go from a low low to a high high. If one goes from high to higher that is not an extreme process of elevation-not as notable or observable as going from low to high or even more spectacular going from low low to a high high. The lower you are the more room for improvement and noteworthy the climb will be. I also feel like profound and everlasting changes don’t happen unless you experience some low lows. I know this from experience dude-if you know what I mean. So anyway there are some psychotics here in the SHU that scream, wail, talk like women and demons and bang out tribal beats on the walls for hours. Last night it went on til midnight. You are really flung into gaining patience in here as well as humility and a handful of other things. Example” I’m sitting on skid marks right now because I am not given adequate showers or amounts of TP and forced to wear a midgets tighty-whiteys (actually they are yellow and yes there is a real midget in here and they are giving me the underwear they use for him). I forgot to mention 2 days ago while I was outside for my hour of cage time I heard someone yelling my name from up in the J unit which is just over the walls. I look up but since they are standing behind a grill in a hall with an expansion prior to the window I couldn’t see who it was. They yelled again “Fox, what happened dog!?” Since I had no immediate answer for them I continued to proceed like I was looking for them shading the sun w/ my hand in silence as if I had to see them in order to hear them as well. So they had to be yelling loud enough for that whole range to hear so I can imagine the rumors and drama is really flying around the unit. I may come out of here with some respect depending on how long I am in here. I’m expecting to get an interview from the Lt. next week so I’ll try to get out of here ASAP. There is a slight chance it will be sooner than a month. I will be more grateful to get out there in the regular prison than ever before. I gotta write Jen and mom. Anyway so I have broke out in red spots here in the hole-some kind of rash or allergic reaction. Hopefully nothing too serious. I look weird though with red bumps all over. Never really had a rash before.

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