Day 37
For anyone who doesn’t realize how hardcore this prison really is:
Al Capone:
After finishing his Federal felony sentence at Alcatraz , he was transferred to FCI Terminal Island
Charles Manson:
From early 1956 until late 1958 was imprisoned for stealing a '51 Mercury. Charles Manson was later convicted of trying to cash a government check and was first sentenced to McNeil Island Washington Terminal Island
So anyway when you go collect the money from 7-11 Forest you should have Mike go with you and just stand there and stare. This morning I asked for a form from the CO so I can try to get a PA (physicians assistant) to come look at my rash but the CO has not returned-typical. Just had 2nd shower in SHU but no more til they give me my shower shoes. The showers don’t drain right so your standing in a puddle of the previous people’s God knows what. If you don’t have shower shoes they have you wear socks in the shower. All they have to do is bring me the shower shoes I already bought. Anyway so my socks get all soaked –then when they turn off the water they only give you a few seconds to get dressed so I have to rush and put my tighty whities on and the soaking wet soaks drip all over and touch the inside of the underwear. So basically I am forced to get water from the bottom of a prison floor on the inside of my underwear and I think the HIV positive people are in the SHU. I also had a blister from the boots that had popped on my toe the day before my first shower. Anyway after my shower today, after they took the cuffs off through the door flap I went to my top bunk and had to slip my package out of my soaked whities. Anyway as for your letter-yeah I will grow my hair out for you anytime a job of mine permits. I would have had it long between the aneurysm and coming here but the judicial system frowns on that style so they spoiled that. If you prefer it long then long it is. Then you always say to have it how I want it well that’s not true love-I don’t care about my desires even half as much as yours-especially when it comes to how I look. Member you’re the queen of all my hair. I have no preference. Short hair is the way to go in here though cause you can blend in and don’t have to deal with it. No mirrors in SHU. Bunky and I have been locked in this closet 3 days now and still not one conversation. We both read and sleep-but I write too. I had to borrow a book from him the 2nd day. It’s called “ We’re All Doing Time “ by Bo Lozoff – A Guide To Getting Free. It’s about freeing your mind. It’s okay but I take everything that goes in me and majorly filter it out with a Christ-heart then weed and glean the gold nuggets that I learn. See I discovered this months before I came in here. You can learn through everything but you must weed out the junk from it and glean the nuggets or truth and reality. In order to do this properly you must have the wisdom that only comes from God. The hole is actually making me more spiritual. It’s like ol’ Corrie Ten Boom would say “you’ll never know Christ is all you need until Christ is all you have”. Well I have a couple of things but nearly nothing. You know I never wanted to full out express about my last celly Gerardo Flores cause he was so sketchy, dominant and paranoid. He was more of a cool guy/hustler than a thug and would be okay as a friend but it sucks living in such close quarters with someone like that. He had all his stuff in excess hogging up the whole cell (had like 3 or 4 of everything-sound familiar). Dumb stuff like 3 or 4 combs, 3 or 4 toothbrushes etc. He even asked to use about 30% of my locker. I aint complaining though cause it’s good for a person to tough it out but also he would hang his feet over the top bunk and often swing them when I was on the bottom bunk. Or he would use his bunk as a table and have his crotch in my space for long periods of time with his boxers on. He many times would have 3 or 4 guys sitting on my bed for hours visiting and when I would come up to the cell they would act like they were having a private meeting. He was the main weed dealer in there and sold weed from our cell. I would often times come back and find remnants of pot on my bunk or it would smell like pot smoke (they use the locker lock as a pipe and blow it through cloth stuffed toilet paper rolls to filter the 2nd hand). One time the guards did a random inspection and when I came back to the cell I found a smashed joint roach on the ground. The guards must not have see it but if they had I would have maybe gotten charged with it or at the very least lost any good behavior time and got out of here later. You gotta keep acting like you’re cool with things around the south siders (Surenos—an L.A. gang) cause if you piss off one you piss them all off and my celly was their shotcaller in the unit. I found out J unit is the biggest unit and the only one with 3 floors. Those guys were so back and forth with me. Giving me the knuckle bump and saying things like “I like this guy” or “you keep it real dog” but a minute later they could be saying”damn, I wanna kick you in the face right now” or “you’re f-ing retarded and a lot of “don’t do this” or “you better do this”. They were actually really dumb but they thought they were really smart. I do love them and will miss them cause they were funny at times and a part of my life. Also it’s like I said when alone they were always nice but two or more-mostly threateny. So it’s like 6 hours after my shower and my undies are still damp from putting my sloshy socks through the leg holes-lameness. So I really didn’t like complaining about them but it’s info I need to remember to help me. It is necessary to put on an act here in prison. This time in SHU is monk-like but I gotta get out. They forced me to come in here to protect me from those who were joking w/ touching, caressing and lust for me talk. I need to make it more clear that I felt uncomfortable not threatened. It is possible that the joking would have continued to progress but the solution would have been to simply move me to another unit. Okay so now I am finally understanding why I am in here. They are obligated to take disciplinary action on persons involved once they were informed of the incident (not by me remember it was the white shotcaller who told a staff person. So anyway I am still paranoid that they are reading my letters especially now that I am in the hole “under investigation”. They are never gonna find the name I made up cause ChoCho is not a real person so there is a chance I will be in here longer than I should. They are blowing it out of proportion. They only needed to put me in a different housing unit. If they get mad enough at me for not snitching they may send me to another prison. I wasn’t gonna stay in that cell. I am a man and a man doesn’t like to be touch like that by another man, joking or not. It was happening a couple times a week for about 3 weeks and I could not allow it to continue any longer-that’s why I went to the white shotcaller who is suppose to help. You always go to inmates to get stuff worked out never the staff. The inmates run things and there is a lot of politics. The shotcaller is like the elected governor of that group of people. Anyway the guy I hit that was tryin to rub up my leg—I did not want to hurt him but did to stop him and it really pissed him and the other guy off for that moment. After I hurt him I said “I don’t want to hurt you” and he thought I was threatening him but I was just expressing that I didn’t want to have to hit him but couldn’t allow that. That white shotcaller (named Tahiti ) wanted me to tell staff about it to get moved to a different unit but I refused so he said he would tell them as long as I came with him. Shotcallers solve problems-that’s what they do. It sucks but I think God wanted me to come to the hole cause now I am really changing for the better. It’s hard in the SHU but I’m able to think better. It sucks but may have been necessary. I will try to get out at the earliest so we can talk more but know that God is in control. Have I already told you that they only do mail Tuesday through Friday here-spread the word. Anyway you could never imagine how strange and old this place is. The movies makes prisons seem new but this place really looks like Alcatraz . I guess I can try a reflection going back to my first memory since nothing new happens in SHU. I have about 20 or so memories from when I was 3 years old but none are good stories. One might be let’s see…My mom, who was just a kid herself, was blowing bubbles for me to pop with a pencil when I stabbed my eyeball with the led. I remember the feeling and even remember the hospital visit but what stands out most is my mom freaking out laying on the horn cause her car was blocked in and my eyeball was bleeding. Yeaa some story How about that same year when an older neighbor kid convinced me to take a cork board with all the spare keys to the apartments in the mangers office and the cops came looking for me so I hid. Or also when I was 3 I tried to put a dead bee down a girls shirt and the stinger stung me. Or maybe about someone’s kite string wrapping around my thumb as the kite took off into the sky and almost 30 years later I still wear the ring shaped scar on my thumb. Then there was the time I got hit by the car. Or when I was 3 all us neighbor kids stood around and watched two kids having sex. I also remember dozens of times waiting for and riding the church bus and going to church all by myself. One time a guy came into my Sunday School class to teach us something and he straight up pointed a gun at the ceiling and shot a bullet through it. I wouldn’t believe it really happened today if I didn’t clearly remember looking at the bullet hole every week after that. The best and clearest thing I remember from when I was 3 is that I got in trouble in Sunday school and had to sit in the back. Someone came in the door and asked who wanted to accept Jesus and I was the only one to raise my hand. I was taken to the kitchen and sat on a chair while the lady knelt down and we prayed that if I ever got hit by a car I would go to heaven. I was a little shaken cause I had already been hit by a car once. I remember us praying there well—and then I got to have my cookies and punch before the rest of the kids. Well those are the only real memories of my first 3 years besides my mom’s wild teenage parties in the apartment. Oh yeah we got a bird and I suggested the name Sandy for it and my mom said “will see” and I got all excited and said “yeah Wilsey-that’s a good name!” so that’s what we named it. By the way I wanted to name it Sandy cause I was in love with Sandy on the movie Grease when I was 3.Anyways you may have noticed that my handwriting is more sloppy. It is cause all we get is these short flexible pens so that we can’t stab. So did Gma get her letter? Anyway Beautylove-I hope you liked those vows. I really am gonna put great effort into them always. You were right about that thing you use to say to yourself when you were younger that someday you were gonna make a good wife. You have been, even as a working girl/career women. I don’t think there have been any huge mistakes in our marriage because we have had God in our lives the whole time and our love has grown stronger and richer through all these years. The problems and hardships have helped it strengthen cause when you go through hardships with people it creates a bound that nothing can break loose. Adore U
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