Day 34
Happy Anniversary Sweetie! I’m going to attempt to call you tonight despite the rules. Hopefully they will bring me the phone. So 10 years together. Everyone here trips when I tell them. Anyway I love you like crazy. I’m sorry for being in here on our anniversary. I will live simple once out of here-meaning not do anything that could potentially get me in trouble like I did in 2001 to land me in this hell. It’s so unnecessary that they throw me in the hole. When my celly asked a CO why everyone in the hole has all the same conditions no matter what they are in there for they said because it has always been that way for 80 years and hasn’t changed-wu some reason. Oh now if you come to visit you have to make an appointment to see me. Hopefully I’ll get out of the hole before the 4th of July. Can’t wait to see you cutie. So I wanted to write new customized vows to you. I vow to work hard on maintaining these things from now until forever-you deserve it! I vow to be sweet to you, to treat you as precious and give you hugs everyday. I vow to help with anything you ask me to and will work to help with things you don’t ask. I vow to be more understanding of your feelings and validate your hard work. I vow to pray with you much more often and continue with our devotions. I vow to make your life more fun than ever before. I vow to be more supportive of you and a better listener. I vow to not argue about the little things and die to self when it does start to happen. I vow to make God the center of our life and strive to keep our passion for him strong. I vow to let you write these vows out bigger and use them to put me back on track for all our years til death. So there you go-I hope you like it. I just love you so hugely and want you to have a good, rich and meaningful life. Well I am writing small due to SHU (special housing unit) and lack of paper so you can write them out big. Anyway all those missing days, like not sure but 5/27 and 28th probably, they are with the stuff of mine that they won’t give me. So now you will have to wait even longer for a letter from me because A) that was like 3 pages. B) I’m writing much smaller-so I can’t reply or finish replying I should say to your long typed letter or your green letter because they won’t give them back-I was in the middle of replying too-actually near done. So yeah I finally got a shower today-it was weird. The guards bang on the door and tell you to strip down to your tighty-whiteys (well orange or yellow). Then they open the cubby (locked flap on the door) and you squat down with your arms interlaced behind you and put your hand through the cubby while they handcuff you. Then two guard escort each of us down the hall to the showers which are small cages. They control the water and either have it freezing or burning hot and there is not enough room to get out of the way. There is a cubby flap on the shower cage door too so you have to do the same with getting the handcuffs taken off then the same again when coming out and once again when being put back in your cell. This is the same procedure for the 1 hour outdoor which is the only other time we leave the cell. Sometimes you can be standing around in the shower, cell or outdoor cage handcuffed for long periods of time. The guards are in no rush for you but they expect you to rush for them at all times-all staff here seem excessively inpatient. But yeah 3 showers a week and 1 hour to go out and walk around in circles in a cage outside. It is just like a lions cage and you walk a circle around the inside perimeter in like 5 seconds then repeat. So yes I did try to call you today and it said I reached my limit. I’m so sorry that we couldn’t talk on our anniversary but let’s thank God we got married at the end of the month because I can at least call you tomorrow to tell you what happened. So yeah I got two letters from Jen yesterday and one from you and today one from you and one from mom so I can start responding and things are even more valuable here in the hole. This place is like being in the prison of the prison. The general population of the prison feels like the outside world now.
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