Day 41
SHU inmates are literally the prison rejects. You know I was thinking about how many non-fiction paperbacks you and I have. I could really use some literature in the SHU. If it’s not too expensive you should send me a textbook about History or Sociology or if I have my old Human Relations book that’d be cool. I won’t need more than probably two during this whole time in SHU. If it’s over 10 bucks to send one don’t worry your pretty little head. Well I’ll call you Friday and ask about it-can’t wait to talk to you! Remember if I’m not sounding sweet it’s cause now not only is my celly right there but the whole bottom floor can hear me-less privacy now. So 2nd day in a row that I don’t go outside to cage due to not wanting to break a sweat due to no showering for 5 days now due to no shower shoes. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to wear the same clothes everyday too. I also would probably have got new shower shoes last week if they would have told me before it was too late that they forgot to pack up my shoes altogether. It aint cool being 100% at the whim of other people, especially prison CO’s. Not known for their differentiation of which inmates are in trouble and which aren’t. The CO’s in SHU have to deal with the prison troublemakers that are sent to the hole day in and day out. Oh yeah so Jen wrote me so gonna write her back. Anyway have you noticed that I stopped asking about the baby? It’s too painful to think about what she must think sometimes. It may even be harder than w/a baby or kid over 2 cause you can kind of explain to them when I’m coming back-maybe even use a calendar or someway for them to get a visual of when papi will be back. An infant I don’t really believe thinks as much or as intricate as the baby does. What’s this toilet story that made mom say that we have a smart little doggy? Yeah so federal prison is no different than state prison from all I’ve gathered from CO’s, inmates and just living here. And when it come to SHU-the hole is the hole. In this book, that I’m about to complete, that bunky gave me to read, there are over a hundred letters from inmates all over the country and anytime someone explains the hole it’s just like, exactly the way I’ve been living for the past 10 days now. So do you tell others most of the info I tell or is it that thing where you cry if you bring me up? You can let people read my letters if you don’t want to talk. I miss going out with you too! Going out to eat, to the movies-I really miss our vacations together-we would draw so close. Well I hear you decided that you are going camping after all. I hope it is a relaxing time for you. The most important thing to me is that you do the things you want to do, that will give you more peace and happiness. All the trickery I’ve informed you of through the years was possibly God allowing me to be secure in the fact that you are safe cause not naïve. I feel you are well prepared for anything and from all I’ve instilled in you I don’t have any worries. This is all obvious to you but in here it’s talked about a lot. There’s trust issues the other inmates who have a girl worry about-hundreds. I have no worries at all-you’re in God’s hands! That’s it…bottom line you have God and many of these others don’t. I like what you said on your last letter, “you’re too special, we’re too special”. You know I know you super well. You are the perfect girl a guy locked up could ask for J It’s like you said, I made one mistake 6 years ago-it just happened to be one with huge repercussions. Anyway blahblah I really hope I never come across just a bunch of hot air with all these words but words are all I have right now. Don’t hesitate to be 100% honest with me about your feelings or what ever cause we’re not just lovers but bestfriends that can confide and vent and cry out for help like you did on your letter. So anyway it’ll be cool talking to you on the phone but hard to talk so fast and short (like 3 minutes a week). Trust me, this time in SHU will be gone before you know it and we’ll be talking over 2 hours a month again and before you know it I’ll be back in your loving arms again and we’ll be relaxing together out in our backyard sippin lemonade and soaking rays. Okay well at least dining on Chinese out there and things will be better than they could have ever been without going through this time of aching for each other and increasing our idea of value in each other. Mi amo mucho!
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