Day 35

Day 35

Well I barely finished reading your letter today and it’s funny cause I know it’s established already but now that I’m around hundreds and hundreds of different guys (like 15% white collar), all age ranges and races I am the most different and unique guy I have ever known-funny, sweet and deep etc. I know you know but it’s even more standout now that I’m around guys every moment. I have a lot to improve on that’s why I wrote up personal vows for the first time in our marriage. I wanted to put in stone goals for me to consistently strive toward because the main attribute I can bring to husband hood is the amount of potential I have always had to be the perfect man. Well not totally perfect but better than the rest or whatever. I am so in love with you and it gives me the motivation to reach for improvement forever. My biggest challenge will be to not develop any typical husband crap which I’m well aware of how these hardworking men can become aholes or unfaithful to wife and bad fathers and all the typical male stuff y’know. The vows should be brought out to control that if it creeps in after years and years but I’m pretty good at staying aware of things so most likely won’t ever develop those basic traits. Anyway you know what’s funny is the only radio station that really come in here is talk radio (due to the radios setup for the TV audio). There is always this talk show on with a guy named Tom Leykis and his main theme is that marriage doesn’t benefit men at all-day after day, caller after caller either agrees or disputes it. He consistently states that men can have anything they want if they aren’t married and there is no advantage for them. He obviously doesn’t believe in God cause without marriage God doesn’t allow sex but the main thing with me is I adore the stability and that our relationship gets richer and more spiritual. It’s like we always say how can someone actually be intimate unless you spend much time with the one. So pretty much it may be true what he says in the physical realm but the benefits really lie in the spiritual and that’s the area that really counts in life. Anyway it is truly bizarre being locked in here 23 hours a day. I have the top bunk and the big fluorescent light that is barely over my head is left on 24/7. I sleep with a bright light on in here. I’ve  been told the the cell lights downstairs go off at 10pm and you are in the pitch dark whether you like it or not. I think that would suck more. Something else I learned is that on the weekend’s it’s 24 hours locked in the cell so this weekend I will spend 48 hours locked in a tiny space with a Beatle-my bunky. I was sitting on the toilet the other day and noticed that his shoes said McCartney- I said “you’re name McCartney” he said “yep” I said “like Paul McCartney” he said “yep” then yesterday (get it like the song) he didn’t want to go outside for our hour of cage pacing but I did and when I came back I looked at his ID on the outside of the door and his name is actually Paul McCartney –straight up- I haven’t bothered to mention it cause he hasn’t so he is probably sick of it. Aint that a trip though. Here I am locked in a cell all day with Paul McCartney. I should write a song about it. So yeah he’s been in the hole for 40 days so he has long hair long beard and mustache-I thought he looked like Charles Manson but he told me that out there he had short hair and people have always said he looks like Edward Norton and I totally see it. He is 37 and was born and raised here in Los Angeles. He was in the army for 8 years and was one step below sergeant and fought in desert storm. He had a lawyer so went to trial for pirating and lost like the 9 out of 10 do federally. He got 40 months and has been here 7. So anyway member how the idea was that I was going to journal each day and reflect and all that well nothing happens in the hole-nothing-they open the cubby and throw your food in and you can get cuffed and go to a cage in the afternoon-the end so…I will need to write about some memories and theories and fun stuff like that a lot. Anyway well I’m still sick and it’s the most stuffed up I’ve ever been. My nose has not unplugged since I’ve been in here. This indoor air all day and night and the laying or sitting all day and night because my celly is on the bottom bunk and it’s so small in here it’s not appropriate to get down and just stand there and stare at the wall. They still won’t give me my stuff –like my bible- oh that reminds me my celly is a pagan. That’s his religion is paganism. You really don’t want to talk much about religion when locked in here with the person cause no one around can hear you and the guards are downstairs 99.5% of the time. They pass through once in a while. I had to ask for TP many times. It took all day to get some. Celly and I only talk for maybe 2 hours a day and mainly in the evening. In the day it’s lots of silence. He’s divorced and his wife cheated on him so he doesn’t really like or have respect for marriage or women. So I can’t really talk about you much. Well I’m going to send this letter out cause there is a list of 10 things you can buy in the hole and paper is one and stamps are another but since we will only be talking on the phone 15 minutes a month and I don’t know how long I’ll be in here I’m actually saving that money in calls. So our main communication will be the writing so right now in SHU (the hole) you can go back to sending letters often just til I get out of here. I let you know immediately but supposedly 30 to 90 days is the average. I also want you to get those vows somewhat close to our anniversary. I love you dearly my best friend and I’ll send out 2 or 3 letters a week cause I bought 20 stamps, this pad and envelopes. Don’t worry about me – I keep getting torn down and then God builds me up and I adjust and can handle anything. I love you and I’m afraid they might come by with mail any second and I won’t get this out. Mucho Amo!

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